I downloaded 5 dating apps: Kuching’s dating scene as a girl

As an introvert in the digital age, there is not a lot of options out there to meet new people especially in terms of dating.

I’m not someone new to dating applications, as I first downloaded them a couple years ago at the advice of my friend who mentioned it could be a good ego booster.

But I don’t think he expected me to take it seriously, as I have regularly participated in the online dating scene on and off over the years.

Now that I am slowly getting older and entering the age where nosy relatives are going to expect me to be married by now, I thought why not give those dating applications one more chance?

So, that’s exactly what I did, and here I am, writing about my experiences.

Brief introduction

Before we get to the juicy bits, I guess I have to explain a little about myself so you can get a better picture of what went down.

I am a woman in my late 20s and at the time of these experiences I was fairly in shape and decent looking.

For all the dating applications I downloaded, I used mostly the same photos for each of them and would always complete my profile.

My profiles were always quite tame, with nothing remotely suggestive in my descriptions, which I have included in quotations.

My experience

Tinder

Tinder is widely known as a hook up app, and the stigma is definitely there when you’re swiping through the application.

Many guys will advertise that they’re “just here for fun” or “dtf”. While I have met a few decent people on the application, I have also had my fair share of wild stories.

Perhaps the weirdest story I have from Tinder is how I matched with a guy from Miri who was visiting Kuching at the time.

After a short while of chatting, he attempted to turn the conversation down a different turn… he asked me whether I was down to “practice bondage with him”.

I was put off by the sudden sexual talk, but he quickly reassured me that there would be “no sex” and he would just “practice tying me up until I couldn’t move”.

Well, considering I didn’t want to be murdered and my body never found, I politely declined his invitation and promptly unmatched.

Bumble

Bumble is another dating app that gives the power of matching to the women. Once you’ve matched up with a lady, she has to be the one to send the first message.

Similarly, the man has to reply within 24 hours of receiving the first message, or the opportunity will expire. Trust me, it is not uncommon for the guy to never reply a girl’s first message.

I find the people on Bumble to be more mature than the people on Tinder. You definitely see way less of those “dtf” guys on this application.

The men on Bumble are a lot more chill and are down to chat for a while. What I did notice is that there are some travellers or tourist on Bumble looking for someone to accompany them.

For example, I matched with a Japanese worker who asked for recommendations for good Japanese food in Kuching.

Coffee Meets Bagel

It’s surprising how many people have not heard of Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB) before. It is quite a serious dating application which only shows you two to three profiles to match with every day.

And once you have matched with someone, you have about a week to chat with the person. You can definitely extend the conversation by simply exchanging messages.

The people on CMB are the type of people who are looking for long term relationships. While some are looking for “something casual”, ultimately most people on there seem to want someone to bring home to their parents.

While I have chatted with a few like minded individuals on CMB, I have also been fortunate enough to make a good friend from this dating application.

Though it never flowered into a relationship, I still think CMB is a good place to meet serious individuals.

OkCupid

This dating application is a little different from the other ones because while the others only show you people near you (unless you pay extra), this one allows you to match with anybody from anywhere.

I’ve had matches from people all over the world through this application. From America to Europe and Asia to Australia, it is possible to make a lot of online friends through this application.

Due to the distance issue, it seems that many users on this website don’t take it seriously. Most are not looking for any long-distance relationships, but rather are looking to make friends anywhere.

That’s not to say you can’t match with anyone local, that is certainly possible but there aren’t a lot of people from Kuching or Sarawak on OkCupid.

Plus, there is also cultural issues when chatting with people overseas. While some can be understanding, I’ve been looked down for “still living with my parents” from those in Western cultures.

I’ve also had one or two sexual encounters on OkCupid, like guys openly flirting sexually or even an invitation for a threesome. So, the possibility of having awkward sexual conversations is also present on this application.

Overall, if you’re open to chatting with people overseas and want to work on your conversation skills, I think OkCupid is a good choice for that. Just not for actual dating.

Omi

Honestly, I maybe only spent like 20 minutes on Omi. I can’t even include the summary I had on my profile because I deleted it so fast.

This is because while the application is advertised in English, the local Chinese men I matched with on the application would only converse in Mandarin.

As someone who speaks Mandarin but doesn’t write it very well, this was quite frustrating to me, so I quickly decided that Omi just wasn’t for me.

One thing I found interesting about the application though is that they will show you how many likes you have received.

It also shows how well you do against others in terms of likes or swipes, which is an interesting ego-boosting concept.

In the end, I quickly deleted the application because I realised Omi just isn’t for me.

Closing thoughts

While I have my fair share of strange conversations on the dating applications, I still think that it can be a good place to meet someone new.

Still, I would advise you to always take precautions when dealing with people on the Internet. Do not put too much identifying information – for example, I never put my place of work.

And if you are wanting to meet someone somewhere, always pick a public location where there will be a few eyes on you.

Finally, do remember that you’re not obligated to consent to anything you’re not comfortable with. Stay safe out there, everyone!

Featured image: Giang Vu & cottonbro studio